GRAPPLE REVIEW & TASTE TEST

For several months, I'd been toying with the idea of trying a container of Grapples, but soured on the idea after figuring out these things weren't some incredible two-headed transplant, just standard apples that had been subjected to a grape-juice bath.

A few weeks back, colleague Mark Bazer had some Grapples at work and gave me one to eat. Mark's a humor writer whose work appears in numerous publications -- including the Chicago Tribune's RedEye edition, and online at The Huffington Post -- and had just polished off a column about this most unusual addition to the produce department. In "A Grapple a Day ... Won't Do Much for You," Mark doesn't think much of this product. "I defy you to finish one," he wrote.

Actually, he said the first bite wasn't all that bad, but that "the artificial sweetness is overwhelming."

My experience was just the opposite. The first bite felt remarkably similar to my initial reaction to white chocolate mousse frozen yogurt: Your eyes and brain are all set for vanilla, but your taste buds scream chocolate. Except in this case, my first taste reminded me of the Grapette soda I enjoyed in my Colorado youth. (By the way, my most vivid memory of this product is when I got to be in the audience for a telecast of the "Fred & Faye" kid show on KLZ-TV (Channel 7). We all got treats and the kid sitting next to me freaked out when he got his tongue stuck in a bottle of Grapette -- during a commercial break, fortunately. This is probably why my favorite scene in "The Cowboy Way" is when Woody Harrelson jams his tongue in a wine bottle and gets a cello-playing gal all hot and bothered. I checked on YouTube for this scene, but couldn't find it -- although someone did post the big finale.)

Anyway, last week I bought some Grapples at the Jefferson Park Jewel (cost for a plastic blister pack of four: about $5). I brought the Grapples along when I met Leah and Dick to do a restaurant review in Chicago's Andersonville neighborhood.

And that's the subject of this podcast.

We also talk about a variety of other grape-soda related topics, including Pillsbury's Funny Face soft drink mixes. You can see a complete list of all the flavors and find links to actual packages at The Imaginary World. Even as a kid, I was astonished that a couple of the characters pushed the taste envelope. It didn't take long for Chinese Cherry and Injun Orange to go the route of the Frito Bandito. Note to General Mills: As someone of Irish extraction, I'm still waiting for you to get hip to the fact that Lucky the Leprechaun can be considered an equally offensive ethnic stereotype. Of course, we're probably fortunate that you chowderheads didn't expand the brand to include Lucky Charms Beer.

The Funny Face marketing efforts weren't limited to packaging and print media, though. That fun-lovin' crew even cut a record with Goofy Grape as the frontman. Leah's been researching off-the-wall recordings lately and managed to find a site with MP3 files of this little-remembered treasure. Goofy sounds an awful lot like Ed Wynn.

If you'd like to hear these some of these beloved childhood classics, just visit Way Out Junk for some interesting (and possibly excruciating) downloads.

Leah has fonder memories -- musical and otherwise -- of NuGrape. You can even hear a direct download of "I Got Your Ice-Cold NuGrape" recorded by the NuGrape Twins way back in the Roaring Twenties.

More recent grape-related technology comes up, too. I've never tasted any, but both Leah and Dick are familiar with carbonated fruit, specifically, carbonated grapes. These fizzy fruits have been featured at Chicago's Moto restaurant. You can even do it yourself.

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